not that i wanna tell people not to speculate or freak out bc that’s what fandoms are for i guess…but seriously i feel like the more rumors we spread the less they’re going to interact with us/share any personal info with us
like if we ever want another carpool confessional/lost forest fones type thing we need to chill out and stop trying to invade their privacy
MOM: Should we bring the dogs back in the house?
ME: Nah, they’re fine.
MOM: You’re a mean mom.
ME: I’m a tough-love dad.
I went into my mom’s bathroom to talk to her and she asked me to help her clean the plant leaves/petals out of the tub.
Apparently that meant I clean out the tub while she sits on the toilet because she ate guacamole with green chile and tomatoes and then ate an orange.
Good job, mom.
Sidenote: this morning, she stubbed her toes on a 20lb concrete tile and might have broken a toe.
it’s always baffling to me when people say “the bible says adam and eve not adam and steve” yeah but like the bible says adam and eve were massive incompetent piles of shit who fucked up god’s creation and doomed humanity for all eternity are you really going to use them as shining examples of heterosexual goodness
I always say this :)
What’s worse than dropping a phone flat on your face?
Dropping a phone on your chest and having one corner land right in between two bones.
In my case, a baby hasn’t even been born yet, ha.
If a baby was born when I last kissed someone, that baby would be going into second grade in the fall.
I’ve noticed that I get the munchies when I’m reading a book. I don’t know why and I find it to be an annoying habit.
Does anyone else get unusually hungry while reading a book?